Testimonials

It is ironic that I find myself writing a forward for a group of Bikers that my deputy was tracking for over 100 miles across the Great Utah Basin.

As I understand it there were six of you guys in total. I note in the duty report of May 23 2016, Deputy Richards noted that the first Biker in the group was riding atop a Harley Davidson Street Glide.

He was dressed in a fox fur and was fist pumping and yelling “LETS RIDE” while pushing the needle to 95 mph. He was later identified as Biker One, “Singo”.

The second Biker was astride a Harley Davidson Softail Deluxe. He was identifiable by his magnificent moustache which has not been cut from birth. It was noted that his bike was labouring at full throttle but at speeds ranging between 85 and 95 mph. He was heard to be yelling “IVE ONLY GOT 20 MILES OF GAS LEFT” . He was later identified at the gas station with a defective credit card as “Boxy”.

Biker three was attempting to ride a Harley Davidson Ultra Glide, a bike far outside this riders capability as shown by the damage from numerous drops. The bike was equipped with quadrophonic speakers which were putting out 100 dbs to the sound of Sister Sledge. Deputy Richards was about to book him for noise pollution on America loneliest road! The Silver Flash was clocked at 96 mph with a wobble and was yelling “ARE WE GOING TO DICK AROUND ALL DAY OR ARE WE GOING TO RIDE” He was identified as “Russ”.

Rider number four was the real deal. Riding like a professional on a Harley Ultra, he effortlessly overtook his Biker Buddies with a nod of his head while accelerating into the 100 zone. What else could he do he was surrounding himself with imbeciles. He was identified as “Richo”.

Biker number five was frightening even to a seasoned deputy. He was astride a Harley Davidson Road Glide with all manner of electrical equipment attached to the handlebars. We first thought he was guiding in a missile strike so we had ordered an evacuation of the Great Plains area in anticipation. It later transpired that he needed all this equipment as a fail safe navigational requirement. No wonder with these clowns. Identified at the Radio Shack fair as “Hydro”.

Lastly biker number 6 was pulled over for interrogation after his Harley Softail was clocked at 87mph, clearly trying to catch his buddies. Big mistake. He freaked out my deputy with his non sequitur answers. “It was like dancing with a column of smoke” my deputy said. It was safer to let him go than book him. Identified at the Navajo Indian Reservation as one “My Way Mike.

We are glad you all made it home and kept the rubber on the road! The good people of Utah would appreciate it if you toured another country next time!

Sheriff Robbins